#literally because i was in a nightmare lol GET IT
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i think your art is very beautiful //. !!!!!!!!!!!!!uhm what app slash program do you use or recommend ..
EV E Y BOD Y SAY. THAAAAAAAAANK UOU <33333 HELL O U SWEE TBEAUTIFUL THANG. IIIIIIII!!!!!!O K OK.
iam severely biased because i use csp and i Fucking Love CSP but. i have used lots of different art programs & can just share my experiences. my choice from top being first to bottom being absolute last
CSP ; i mean, like, legally speaking -- it costs money. but. like. you know. arr mateys and all that. smirk. VERY good program, super extensive & i believe its industry standard? one downside for most people ive seen is that it is. like. incredibly complicated & visually overwhelming. like this is my personal setup
BUT ALSO GOING INTO THIS MORE.,.. the interface is like. 100% customizable. you could completely get rid of every single thing on here except for the brush and colorpicker if you wanted. like it is completely customizable just do whatever the fuck u want forever ALSO ANIMATION FRIENDLY BLESS i do all my animations here!!! . i really like it because there is an entire asset store with people making dedicated brushes and models and textures etc etc & also its just. it has a nice feel to it :)) its hard for me to describe well but i love csp. my babygirl
MEDIBANG PAINT: i have not used this in . quite some fucking time so forgive me if some of this is outdated. its not like. NEARLY as customizable as something like csp or photoshop (ewww) but it works like. pretty fucking well honestly. the brushes all have a very nice feel to them and it's a very far far reach from csp in terms of like. Set up BUT its free and has a lot of pre-made brushes to pick from :) ... unfortunately theres no way to import stuff unlike csp and ps so ur stuck with things made within the app or downloaded from the cloud i think otherwise tho i think it has a very nice interface :)) NOT animation friendly tho. sigh
FIREALPACA: FREE... also you can animate in it but its fucking insane. better selection of brushes than medibang but im not a big fan of how it feels + it was super laggy for me when i used it....
KRITA: same as above p much but a smaller brush selection ... IBISPAINT: free! big fan of the brushes (+ theres a LOT of them) & even if the interface is a little confusing for me its pretty simple & would be good for sum people i think :) PROCREATE: $5 last time i checked? fuck procreate honestly. one of my least favorite programs & i used it for 2 years so i would know. it gets a LOT of popularity because its aesthetically pleasing and. YES the feel of the brushes is nice i will not lie but the shit hiding behind such a simple interface is the fact that there is literally. so few options/so little customization. very laggy, brushes are EXCLUSIVE to procreate & even if there's a wide selection if you want to move to a different program its gonna b a nightmare having to use totally different brushes. animation feature is fucking terrible, there's a seperate app made by the same people i think? and i havent tried that one but ive heard its good :)) regardless. procreate isnt BAD but it has an incredibly simple interface, ipad/iphone exclusive, only really works well with an apple pencil (which is already pretty fucking expensive on top of an ipad if you dont already have one LOL !?!?!?!?!?!?)
PHOTOSHOP: fuck adobe! expensive as hell + ia m generally just not a big fan of it or its interface... its not bad per se but i wouldnt reccomend it to anyone who hasnt Already Used It
THERES . PROBABLY MORE IM FORGETTING like i could say sony sketch & gimp and shit but i dont have enough experience with them 2 really say. regardless i hope IHOP;E ANY OF THIS MADE; SENS;E[ ;34TEORTUDOIG
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I love thinking of scenarios of Silas coming to NRC (literally the only way of getting him on the surface is through Finn lol) because I get to think of his human form and other stuff that comes with it.
This man does not care for fashion nor does he have any sense for fashion lmao. He probably just wears jeans, sneakers, and a white shirt and calls it a day.
I have mentioned it before but for those who are a new or don't know: due to his disability, Silas is an ambulatory wheelchair user in human form! (The damage to his tail from being shot transferred to his legs) He can stand up and walk around with a cane, but it's incredibly painful and the chair is a lot better.
Silas does not like that he has no claws in his human form and will stare at his nails in annoyance sometimes. He keeps all his black markings and scars, which puts people off more often than not, which is fine by him because they leave him alone.
He barely knows anything about land outside of what Morrigan, Finn, Ezra and Alastair have told him and though he is keen to learn, he's very out of his depth and that frustrates him a lot.
NRC is a rampless nightmare and Silas just wants to see his son ok why do you people have so many stairs. He needs to see the headmaster and rip his head off have a chat but he can't do shit if he can't even get into the main building without walking and ending up in excruciating pain later down the line.
If you know Silas well, you'll notice how his whole demeanour flips like a switch when he sees Finn lol. He's very happy to see Finn and that's mostly expressed through headpats.
Silas wants to meet Finn's friends and it's ok he'll only judge everything they do and say for a few minutes tops/hj. He probably goes to Savanaclaw since it was Morrigan's dorm (and stares at his portrait for a while...) and to Mostro Lounge since he's heard so much about it from Finn (Azul is quaking in his shoes/J)
Anyone who realises Silas is Finn's dad are just like "That explains a lot" lmfao (Ace especially XD)
Silas interacting with other parents would be absolute chaos but also hilarious lol.
I'll probably think of more stuff another time but I needed to yap
Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle
@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker
@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline
@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy
@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch
@ramshacklerumble @ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @sillyslipperybananapeel @cloudcountry
@skriblee-ksk @twstinginthewind @lumdays @theolivetree123 @natsukishinomiyaswife
@authoruio @jewelulu @raguiras @moonyasnow @skibidibabygirl @quartztwst
@yuizenihaswriten @devosin @oya-oya-okay @b0njourbeach
@kirans-wonderland @coffinkissez @idikeis
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All it takes is a wee little nightmare to make you too scared to step foot outside for fear of Bad Things happening, like it’s an omen lol
#also it is p o u r i n g outside and it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to commute to campus#i'm a good little student but sometimes i just can't be assed#esp with all the crazy stuff that's been happening on public transit and on my campus for that matter#i'm just getting a bad vibe today [insert empath meme here]#warning for me complaining about a graphic nightmare!!!!:#had a few stress dreams(?) last night but one particularly violent one in which a woman got run over by a streetcar--#--and the paramedics were moving people along but i accidentally got a really good look at her and it fucked me up#she looked like she was just sleeping peacefully but i could only really make out the top half of her body#probably because the bottom half was... yeah.#i think i also had another dream that i was being hunted by a sniper?? and they had called my cell and were threatening me + my folks?#and another one where i had to hide some children from... i don't really know what. some dangerous person who wanted to kill all of us#but the kids wouldn't leave me even though i begged them to.#yeah just a normal collection of dreams for me. literally ugh.#i don't even think i'm stressed in my life rn??#not any more than normal lol
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Ugh. I had a really bad day.
#chat sesh with iris#vent in the tags#had to get a super personal reminder of someone who I used to know who left me YEARS AGO but it still upsets me to hear her name and I#literally saw HER MOM who proceeded to talk a bunch about what she’s been doing#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#in the tags lol#so warning that it’s in the next tag#like I think about killing myself whenever I have a passing thought about her so this was too much#I’m not going to do it I’m physically safe 👍👍👍 but like#even despite all of the shitty things that happened I was still having a pretty good week because like. people have been really nice to me.#and I’ve been having a little fun#but this is way too far to excuse like practically no matter what else happened or happens 😭😭😭#like hearing how much better her life is than mine#I literally had to physically leave the situation#like she had finally after YEARS(!!!) gotten mostly off of my mind#but not anymore#the heaviest sigh ever#anyway I would apologize for venting but like this is my blog 👍👍👍#I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it#like even the people who I consider my best friends did not care or respond or ask questions when I mentioned that I was having like a-#breakdown in public#other than one#shoutouts#and I’m probably going to sleep really soon so maybe I’ll wake up and think this is too personal and delete it#like if I’m only posting because of how tired I was#or who knows maybe my thoughts will keep me awake for hours#I still have nightmares about her#BLUE AND DAWN AND HOP AND ARVEN AND GREEN SAVE ME!!!!!
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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(not quite logging back in just venting dont mind me <3 ill reply to everyone later mwah)
#i guess the worst thing about allllllll the times my mother tells me im crazy is that i know she's right lol#like the instant overwhelming need to sh whenever she says it or in fact every time we fight should be enough to confirm it 🤡#like i legit wont calm down until i physically hurt myself preferably also drawing blood. this is not Sane Person Behaviour#anyway whatsapp just spent a few minutes crying curled up on the floor in the kitchen pulling my own hair trying to ✨Not SH✨#because its stupid idiot motherfucking summer and everyone will See#and ended up doing it regardless lol#and its so funny cause like literally the moment i do it im perfectly fine and mentally and emotionally stable again 🥰😇#anyway i love my mom she's great but she did ruin my entire life and me as a person too#and basically all my adult problems can be easily traced back to my psychological nightmare of a childhood#except i cant blame her for that either because she didnt have it easy and she raised me on her own (and unmedicated too)#while my dad didnt really even get many occasions to ruin me on a fundamental level (like he sure did use those few chances he had but yknow#not nearly as many as my mom got)#so i cant just blame my mom and let feminism lose like that#anyway. she should never have had children and i there's nothing i regret more than her husband dying instead of me#ok logging back off byeeeeeeeeee
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had a dream last night that GVF put on a Christmas concert in Nashville
naturally, they opened with Built By Nations
#even in my dream I was like �� what 😭#but then they started covering What’s This from Nightmare Before Christmas ???#and then some girl blocked my view filming a TikTok during it rip#and then Greta left the stage entirely and brought out one of the members of another one of my fav bands (and his wife)#and they played some songs from the Journey to Bethlehem movie because they were both in it#and I was like “THERE IS NO WAY I AM SEEING JOEL SMALLBONE AT A GVF CONCERT RIGHT NOW”#like when I tell u dream me was FREAKING OUT because I absolutely love him . I am literally getting his handwriting tattooed on me on Monday#I think that detail came in because my friend who lives in Nashville was talking about seeing them (Joel and his wife) at a coffee shop lol#anyways then my dog woke me up and I fell back asleep and dreamt I was at a Taylor Swift concert#and my surprise songs were Labyrinth and Sparks Fly#and I sobbed over Sparks Fly 😌#anywho….. good morning LMAO 💀💀💀
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now hear me out on this
#i'm going to lose some of yall but#i need somewhere to put this#amen/eva but it's a Very Specific Scenario where it's he is hauntingly obsessed with her (negative)#a la songbirds and snakes#(idk ive never actually read it)#as in . cannot get her out of his head#VERY ONE SIDED#im imagining canon divergent: she runs away successfully#and even though amen + hunters are on her trail#she's always just out of reach#she taunts him in his dreams to the point of obsession#it's literally years later and couldn't care less about remmao. about saamon#because theres only one shesmu left that plague his nightmares. he sees her in there so often he believes that shes performing oneiromancy#to get into his head#meanwhile eva dont really gaf#i like to imagine shes just chilling living her best oneiromancy life n getting rich#ts none of her business lol#probably smooching rame somewhere (this part is self indulgent lol)#be honest am i cooking or do i lack media literacy#i dont actually hate eva/amen ship i just hate how it's done in canon lol#so many interesting ways it could go but it reads as a mafia fic sometimes#ANYWAY#can u tell i'm listening to you can't catch me now by olivia rodrigo
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i need to fuckign explode
#i need to talk tohim i need to talk to him i need to talk to him i need to tlak to him but i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaant bc im too scared of that lol#it was on my mind two months ago it was on my mind a month ago and its on my mind now and it is driving me insane#bjt k dont want to say what it is because thats a can of worms of potential for people to Know i dont want#so glad the guy in question is locked out of tumblr and the other guy involved barely looks at tumblr#only fucking place i can get this thought out even vaguely#i need to talk to both of them bt i cant because i feel like i will die trying to. heart attack on the spot#as much as i dont want him to i hope he gets a notif for this and asks me sbout it#even though theres no way hed knownim specificslly talking abt him#bc at leas that way it spares me the fucking nightmare kf bringing it up to someone#and its like. objectively not s problem#if i just used my words and talked it out it would be done so fast.but the problem is even though i talk to both of them so much#the thought of talking to them abt this specific thing scares me so bad that#i think if i sent a text about it i would close discord snd not open it for 2 years#sighghhggggghhghgghhhggh ive been rlly good abt not venting on tumblr lately bc i didnt like doing it in the first plsce but#there is literally nowhere else for me to complain about this in a spacethat i am comfortable complaining sbt it in#that does not include one of the affected guys#lycan howls
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in april 2022 this phd student researching study abroad experiences interviewed me and my mom bc her dissertation was all abt the return experience and how that impacts the family and ive literaly been looking forward to getting her dissertation and reading it for over a year and she just sent it to me at last and. it turns out she excluded my contributions to it bc her study doesn’t encompass experiences of ppl who were sent home early / had their study abroad cancelled when covid started and the world shut down bc that experience was “non-normative” 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 i get it but i am also feeling murderous rage
#purrs#like. i was rly looking forward to being part of it bc at least SOMETHING good would’ve come out of that absolute nightmare of an experience#and it turns out i didn’t get to be part of it at all despite pouring my heart out in the interview and being so excited because… i had a#nightmare of an experience!!!!!!!!!! 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻 awesome. love how i still have not healed from that and never will and this is rubbing salt#in the fucking wound lol. she asked me for my feedback and to see if my experience is represented and i don’t even know how t reply to it bc#it’s like… you quite literally say on page 51 that you are not representing my expeirence so 💖#delete later#brighton#i feel bad for complaining bc she was really nice and i loved talking to her and im sure her dissertation will be an eye opening read for me#but it fucking sucks like. can those of us who got our experiences ripped away from us not have anything in this world <3#like why did she interview me if she wasn’t gonna include me in it 😭 i did all that just to get let downnnnb
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Apparently my mom shares trans memes on her facebook, which is… cool I guess? But she also still posts old pictures of me all the time
#mine#i’ve even talked to her about this and she got really upset and said she spent hours going through all her old photos of me#and only keeping ones where i looked ‘masculine’#but. they’re absolutely not.#and i mean i’m glad my parents are supportive enough that this is the shit that pisses me off but i’ll be damned if it doesn’t piss me#the fuck off#well ok worse than this is what my dad does#which is basically to only acknowledge it when i’m about to make a big change and he sends me a text#saying ‘hmm i guess you’ve wanted this for a long time huh :(‘#and also still not gendering me ever even though it’s been almost 4 years#like ok he’s not misgendering me but he awkwardly interrupts his sentences to rephrase them to avoid using pronouns#or if he gets really stuck he uses they/them which also pisses me off#it’s this shit and a thing that happened over 2 years ago (!!) at this point that make me feel like i don’t fucking pass ever#and everyone only ever genders me correctly to be nice or patronizing#i still get shocked when strangers gender me correctly (which is basically 100% of the time for the past 3 years)#but that’s really mostly because of the thing that happened 2 years ago#it literally makes me feel so deeply sick when i think about it like i genuinely feel ill#i still have nightmares about it lol#um. i realize i’m being vague but it wasn’t anything actually bad. just some stuff a friend said to me#and then said again and then continued to make it worse by saying more stuff#anyway that’s enough for now#hey if you just clicked ‘see more’ on the tags and saw this huge wall of text don’t bother reading it k
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desire to roleplay authentically when my character has traits that can come across as difficult or frustrating vs irl intense fear and terror of ever being difficult or frustrating FIGHT
#it's not... necessarily a bad thing I guess but#I did roleplay felix explaining himself in a situation where he SHOULD completely unambiguously have shut down so hard he had to leave#right in the middle of fear and guilt and shame over a combat where bad luck and abysmal roles hit his convictions that he's only a burden#'hey are we all committed to being a party or would some of us rather leave? felix?'#oh getting SINGLED OUT DIRECTLY to ANSWER for what he's perceiving in himself as SHORTCOMINGS and BAD BEHAVIOR?#oh! no! he shouldn't have been literally physically capable of responding! this is THE nightmare scenario! he should have LEFT. the BUILDING#but AUGH AUGH AUGH SCARY SCARY SCARY#and he would have taken the space to calm down and figure out what he wanted to do or say and come back before the session was over#and give some indication that Yes he's here he's in it as much as anyone#BUT [SHAKING MYSELF] HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO PLAY A CHARACTER WHO HATES EXPLAINING HIMSELF--#WHEN YOU HAVE OVERWHELMING DESPERATION TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF DISEASE!!!!#I mean at least I can talk about all of this after the session with justin which sets me/ us up better for next time#if he has a meta awareness that getting pressed like this might push felix out of the entire building--#then *I* know that *he* knows that and can maybe feel like I can actually do it without fearing the optics#it will work out! he'll come around! he's a good good boy he just doesn't know how to handle social situations constructively#THE UPSIDE IS that doing a little of 'clarifying why I keep distancing myself' led to support and validation he never expected#it just feels... too early lol#annoying. this was textbook The Thing That Overwhelms Him The Worst and I still whiffed it because of player cowardice#aaauuughh#about me#my OCs#felix
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Something I want to build on with vincent at some point is how much the years of being an adventurer has taken a toll on him. he spent so long just being angry at the world but as he gets closer and closer to carteneau he does start recognizing how reckless he's been and the mistakes he's made over the years. friendships (especially with layla and nhea) helping him get a little closer to how he used to be before finally stopping and trying to do better for himself when he loses his leg. and the fact that guilt has really solidified in him to still make him push himself in his healing rather than combat (though sometimes still pushing himself too far) and how the years of treating himself like a weapon have taken a toll on his mind (he has terrible nightmares that only a select few have been able to help him through it)
#look at me building on vincent more#though this stuff isn't actually new and i'm pretty sure i've mentioned some of it before#but i'd like to round it out more#like nhea being his first friend after leaving gridania that wasn't just a one off working together#or how his and gaius's relationship started because of that mutual understanding of wanting to be better even if their reasons differed#little things like that mainly because i honestly really like how. varied his personality can be#he's usually really calm and collected but now and then he makes some really reckless moves that's more akin to his WoL days#finding ways to make the nightmares easier to more avoidable ranging from meditation to a good solid support at his back#the support being a literal wall sometimes when he was still traveling alone or sharing a cot with gaius when he joins up with them#that bit of safety making a bigger difference than he would've expected though it's not always perfect#i have had thoughts on the zodiark fight because he gets stuck as a tank with a weapon he's not overly familiar with#and that ends up with his leg getting busted up and cid and nero being a little too busy to fix it so he's relegated to helping other ways#which would tie in my idea of his crutches being able to act as a conjurer's staff >:3#my little moon expedition team ends up being the main squad of raya nhea layla and vincent#not sure where einar is at the time since he was in garlemald maybe staying back to help people? probably?#but yea it's 2 monks a white mage and a lancer with a gunblade so goes about as well as you'd expect lol#raya and nhea are both paladins as well so i guess technically one of them could tank instead but hey#this wasn't supposed to be a ramble in the tags kinda post but here we are
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guess who is so absolutely shit at everything that they are failing at school, won't have the gpa to keep their financial aid at the ridiculously expensive institution they attend, and is probably gonna have to move back home next semester
#boink#it's me#lol#nothing feels real#i just slept for 15 hours#god i hate myself so much#i am such a fucking piece of shit#i was finally starting to settle in here#god im supposed to be in charge of my music group and im literally abandoning them#i finally started to feel like i maybe fit in with them#and now im going to be back at my house#like im in high school#because i cant be trusted to handle myself#things are hard here but at least i started to feel like a person#god i mean i started to feel like an individual#i went to a party this week an i had a good time#i asked someone out on a date for gods sake#these are things that i absolutely never could have done a year ago#and now im going back home#and i wont even be able to say i have school like i used to#that was who ive always been and its just fucking not now#obviously#its like i had the most terrifying realistic nightmare#and when i wake up its actually real#i am going to have to leave all of this#i dont even deserve it anyway#i wish i did#the world is getting so much smaller again
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wait why was no one going to tell me that nightmare rarity, something ive only heard vaguely of over the years since i keep neglecting to read the comics, wasnt corrupted by some internal pain, but instead the comic claims that nightmare moon is actually a parasitic type creature that took her over and that nightmare moon is a seperate entity from luna entirely. or at least according to the wiki
i kinda... hate that. thats not canon to me actually
#my post#mlp#i relate to luna/nightmare moon and it feels... less? that it be something like that#its so hard to explain. especially since im tired and was literally going to sleep when i was like wait i need to look this up#nightmare moon... is luna. to me.#it was her pain and her jealousy and her isolation and loneliness manifested#it was her lashing out at everyone she percieved as not loving her how she felt she should have been loved#it was her losing control. almost willingly. because she was so overwhelmed by pain#and that led to her being banished and isolated for 1000 years until she got to try and hurt people again#but she was defeated by friendship beams and then accepted with open arms by her sister once agin and blah blah blah you know#it just isnt right to me for it to be like. haha get parasited idiot#and idk i was thinking itd be cool if that was the deal with rarity in that comic#ALSO the whole reason i looked it up is cause i keep thinking about opaline if she was flurry heart but corrupted#opaline being flurryhearts nightmare moon yknow#but coming up with a motivation that feels right is kinda difficult lol#tropes
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Sweepy scientist
#W. D. Ghoster#I'm glad I captured this when I did because Immediately After like literally While I was editing this he had a nightmare :(#I just wanted the frames of him breathing it's nice and calming#I also always think it's so funny when he snoozes during the day but as soon as he wakes up/is woken up he refuses coffee lol#I'm just glad he's getting his rest no excuse not to as he can't work haha
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